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Vergelt's Gott!

For my beloved June 18th, 2018
This morning my wife called for the results from the CT of Friday.
The doctress, Mrs. Jilg from “Rechts d. Isar”, one of my life-saviours in the last 6 yrs, said to her: “bad news, we hav a progress in the liver. I call you back in the evening.”
Yesterday evening I finished the “heart-cross” for my daughter, this is at the same time my avatar for this prayer circle.
1 hour before noon Paul wrote me zhat there will be a rosary in front of the most holy in San Gioachino in Rome.
In the afternoon I asked my daughter what favourite song She hears currently.
In the evening we sat at my 2nd oncologist in Erding and she said that there was progress within the liver, medium progress. The drug fails slowly. It is the third-line-drug I got since November, with an average duration of action of 6 months. I take it for 7 months meanwhile.
She was talking with Dr. Jilg while we sat in front of her.
Normally this is the last drug against my cancer, and everytime one drug fails in action you get the next on. This was the last one.
Dr. Jilg took much efforts to inquire whether there is any further possibility.
She found out that there is a new study in Essen , about 680 km distance. How far do you travel to save your life for your beloved ones? I would drive to the moon and back. Not for me, you know, that is because of Mt 10:39. The engraving in the ring of green gold I gave to my son in February. The engraving in my daughter`s ring is Mt 11, 28-30.
The engraving in the hearts of my wife and mine is Mt 7, 13+14. 3x Mattew? I think I`ll read him as a whole next time.
Meanwhile my daughter wrote me Her favourite.
At the same time I began to change the avatar of my single name. 2007 until 2009 it was an old cross which shines. In 2009 Paul brought me Domenico to the heart, and so it became my vatar. In 2014, you know, the beatification process for him begun. Domenico became my personal “protection of holy” because the night before my great surgery in August 2017 I gave my life in His hands. 4 days after that, as the shadows of death grew darker, he saved my life. At the same time Paul was organizing to let celebrate a holy mass in the basilica minor in Manoppello.
I nearly changed my whole life:
Since August 2017 I cannot work anymore.
Learning to eat like a child without stomach. Works good meanwhile
At November the health insecurance played with my life because they needed 9 days for an “urgent application” whereas Dr. Jilg wrote into the physician letter that I would need this drug within 7 days, otherwise there would be acute danger to my life. I don`t tell this because of revenge but because of telling the truth.
Since this time I began to write stories for my beloved to show them in a lovingly manner that I would`t live too long anymore.
They didn`t believe that the 3rd-line-drug would work resp. I would bear the poss. heavy side-effects. but I did.
They sent the palliative-care-team into our house at that time. Really good ladies. They have to be good because they belong to those people you will see last in your life on earth.
In May they sent me to this rehab clinic. Those were the most wondrous weeks in my life, with exception to the days of our marriage in Manoppello, 5 yrs ago. We were there for 3 or 4 days, but at this clinic I was from May 15th till June 14th.
There I changed the rest of my old life: no re-integration into work, another breakfast, a deep experience with HIMself, my love to the Maria Lactans in Großgmain, the experience that it is unimportant if your best friend lives for one day or for 10 yrs.
At his place I re-founded our old prayer circle from 2010: “Gebetskreis” and founded it new as “KT-GK2018”
There was still a rest from the old “kreuz”, but my “teaching master” Paul had to do a last hammer-beat as that one who forged my heart to gold. You can follow this “transformations” in the contributions of “KT-GK2018”.
I won`t tell that twice, please.
Today I changed my 2nd avatar from “kreuz”, because of this transformation. Still at work by the admin. I changed my password. I changed my whole life, and I am still living for my dear wife, my dear daughter and my dear son. Becaue of Padre Domenico and Mt 10:39.
And I changed to show all my beloved one that Jesus lives. Amen.
Pic: “cross” lies in Domenico`s arms.
Music: favourite song of my daughter which I love moretzhan my life, as well as my wife and my son
“Whatever it takes”, Imagine Dragons [no copyright infringement is intended]
My avatar here: the 1st “heart-cross” I donated to my daughter. I intend to produce more of them
Link: the song of my life, dedicated to my beloved and Paul.
Why do I tell this “intimate” things?
Because of the way, the truth and the life. Because og HIM, the risen Jesus Christ. And because of the dear Lady who brought him to us, Mather Mary.
If you want to have a good dying, you should have had a good living before. It`s only the rear side of the same medal.
the church where I meet the Lord the last 15 yrs., within an area for mentally disabled people, is good, very good. The priest is almost relaxed, ond noone sits in the church because he “needs to”, but because he wants to. Most of those people cannot speak clearly, and some can just emid louds. One of them does that everytimes when the priest says “this is my body given for you..”.
and Rudi, the longest serving ministrant, for 70 years, had to quit last Christmas because he became blind. Since than he sits and prays in the 1st row 

after the priest gives his dismissing blessings, we pray:

“Jesus remain in my soul/ keep me free of sins/
make that I choose only good/ and once blessed with you

Protect me graciously in dangers/ let the grace keep me/ Amen.

highly praised and blessed is the most holy sacrament of the altar/ from now until eternity. Amen

Oh Jesus I live for you/ oh Jesus I die for you/
o Jesus your I am dead or alive. Amen.

in the name of the father and the son and the holy spirit. Amen

Mary with the child dear/ give us all your blessings. Amen.

edit June 19th at morning, when the first bird`s singing.
when I sat at the balkony, I saw a cat and a blackbird on the street. the blackbird flew to my rooftop, and over him flew a white dove. don`t know what this means, but it was nice!

the first words I did are the rosary, like every morning since 2003
the first picture I saw, like every morning, ist the pasqual glance on desktop, since 2006
the first thoughts I think after the rosary are thoughts about my dear family
the first song I hear today ist the song of my daughter, and I checked the lyrics. every word is true, my daughter. you know and I know. you`ve got a good taste, must be from your father :-)

Whatever It Takes
Imagine Dragons

Falling too fast to prepare for this
Tripping in the world could be dangerous
Everybody circling, it's vulturous
Negative, nepotist
Everybody waiting for the fall of man
Everybody praying for the end of times
Everybody hoping they could be the one
I was born to run, I was born for this
Whip, whip
Run me like a racehorse
Pull me like a ripcord
Break me down and build me up
I wanna be the slip, slip
Word upon your lip, lip
Letter that you rip, rip
Break me down and build me up
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do whatever it takes
'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains
Whatever it takes
You take me to the top I'm ready for
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do what it takes
Always had a fear of being typical
Looking at my body feeling miserable
Always hanging on to the visual
I wanna be invisible
Looking at my years like a martyrdom
Everybody needs to be a part of 'em
Never be enough, I'm the prodigal son
I was born to run, I was born for this
Whip, whip
Run me like a racehorse
Pull me like a ripcord
Break me down and build me up
I wanna be the slip, slip
Word upon your lip, lip
Letter that you rip, rip
Break me down and build me up
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do whatever it takes
'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains
Whatever it takes
You take me to the top, I'm ready for
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do what it takes
Hypocritical, egotistical
Don't wanna be the parenthetical, hypothetical
Working onto something that I'm proud of, out of the box
An epoxy to the world and the vision we've lost
I'm an apostrophe
I'm just a symbol to remind you that there's more to see
I'm just a product of the system, a catastrophe
And yet a masterpiece, and yet I'm half-diseased
And when I am deceased
At least I go down to the grave and die happily
Leave the body and my soul to be a part of thee
I do what it takes
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do whatever it takes
'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains
Whatever it takes
You take me to the top, I'm ready for
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do what it takes
Songwriter: Benjamin Arthur McKee / Daniel Coulter Reynolds / Daniel James Platzman / Daniel Wayne Sermon / Joel Little

this contribution will be my last for the moment, it is the best contribution I made here, it is my confession.
there will be only edits like today. thank you ♥

once -whenever that time is which lies in Gods hands- this contribution should be my dig talk, to be translated for the german and italian speaking Christ-seekers. and the austrian, with thanks to the Lady in Großgmain and to Roland, the chief of kath.net/ kathtube.
the "whiter shade of pale" (see link) should be played. its for my mother which died with a smile on her face.
the most thing is done now. my wife don`t want to stay in this house when I`m gone, She is in fear here, we didn`t and could`t take 1 word with the neighbours since 3 yrs. she`s in fear that they would laugh if she is alone, and that may also be true. must not but may be.

therefore we intend to live by the Maria lactans in Austria, and we need prayer to get away from here and to come there. I cannot leave her alone here. I do all I can to help that woman with the biggest heart I know. not only Jesus made me to that who I am. from here I`ve learned what love ist. and without love, so says Apostle Paul, everything is nothing.

everything you do you should do with love
or you should`nt do it at all.

at least trying every day.
edit June 20th
"We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust"

there are days I can`t help my dear wife.
for myself I can manage to be lucky, really.
but there are days where she wants to go with me.
days we are alone with our pain loosing ourselves.
this is because I`m crying, dear GOD.
She don`t fell you und see you dear God.
I beg to you on my knees
take her tears that have become diamonds
of her love.
give her that love
she is giving to me
but in her sadness
can`t receive.
let me be rust
and make her a diamond. Amen.
as a child I wish that someone
would upload this song of Joan Baez.
I woke up with this song,
and if I hear this song I`ve got the feeling
that we`re not alone in our sadness.
edit June 21st
thank you Lord, YOU have spoken the word.
"I am not worthy that you come under my roof
but speak only one word, your her will be well."
she already prayed that with our children before they slept as 3 in one room. +
edit June 23nd
der GOD, you gave us all the blessings we prayed and cried for. just spoke with my soul-friend Uwe from the clinic. he`s already at home, facing the peaces of his live. depressed, mentally und physically very sick. I beg you on my knees: TOUCH HIM. speak one word, and his soul may become healty again. help him and be with him in all his darkness. He`s just like me - 25 yrs ago. let him live - donate him your life in abundance - like you did to us. show him that he is very loved from YOU. and from your holy Mother which takes all her suffering children under her protective coat. Amen.
edit June 23nd evening
Whatever it takes part II
edit July 3rd 2018
iconic turn I - IV
edit July 21st
dedicated to my originally family which we visit today. editing the title: "last contribution" is replaced by "GOD is great" (and blessed be his Holy Mother Mary). Amen.
edit July 28th, 2018
the "blood moon" has passed, and I have lit a consecrated Easter light.
my wife and me, were sitting in the meadow of a stream-ground, outside the village, watching the blood moon.
On the way home in the spotlight of my car we saw many outdoor figures admiring and adoring this moon. it is the army of ignorance and darkness which begins to form, as well as the army of light. the dark ones are 10x more, but they are still not enough.

(live cam St. Peter)

weiterführender Link: www.kathtube.com/player.php?id=10776
hochgeladen von:
am: 18.06.2018
um: 23:09:32
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Dauer: 3:40
Whatever it takes – Mt 10:39 GOD is great
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